


Subscribe to my heart

by HeWhisperedBrave



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angat, Love, M/M, Pining, Sad Liam, Smut, Youtuber Zayn, Zayn is a really famous YouTuber who travels the world, bur it all works out, eventually, fan Liam, liam is in university, liam loves Zayn so much, mentions of bullying, there will be some sad bits but also good, travelling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-05-12 00:55:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5647978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeWhisperedBrave/pseuds/HeWhisperedBrave
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn is a world renowned YouTube star who has a staggering 10 million subscribers to his diverse channel. He's not always been so famous, had his fair share of problems back then but now he's focused primarily on his channel and bringing a smile go everyone's face. He loves his fans and makes sure to remind them of that at every chance he gets. Liam is Zayn's biggest fan. He's watched Zayn's channel since his videos were outdated, grainy shots from a mobile phone camera to the neatly polished videos he posts every few days. Liam's been a fan through if all. He's only met Zayn once but he plans to meet him again no matter how many people take the piss out of him and no matter how many people shove him into lockers. He loves Zayn so dearly that it's no surprise that when Zayn announces a competition to win the chance to meet and travel with Zayn, he's so excited. Except Liam's luck is something out of a bad comedy. </p><p> </p><p>Or the one where Zayn is a famous YouTuber and Liam loves him and his videos so much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys. This is my first ZIAM fic on here and I'm super nervous about it because I'm not really great but imma try. I'll try to update regularly. please tell me if you like the idea of the story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know a lot of people really want a YouTube fic and I just made this account a few days ago and can't believe so many people already looked at this fic! Thank you so much. I'll update regularly. A particular comment made me feel like it was bad putting a plot then putting my first chapter? Sorry if it annoyed you guys but that's how I do things. I hope you like this one. It's a short chapter but it's gonna get gooooood

Liam realises that the world is dark at a very young age. He's not supposed to know that trust is an impossible concept, that genuine compassion for others is a myth. He's just a child. He's supposed to think of silly things and play with figurines. Liam's mum worries that her son isn't happy. She tries her hardest to make him smile. It doesn't seem to work. At a tender age Liam has already been lost in the never ending tunnel of emptiness. It's so dark he often wakes up crying. His parents don't understand. They ask him to talk. He can't. A kid shoves him in school and tells him to grow up, so, he does. 

 

It's not until years later. There's a crack of light in the darkness. Liam scrambles to touch it, scratches at the nothingness until the light seeps further into the cave. It's not a artificial yellowish tinged beam that disturbs the dark , it's more of a swirling concoction of topaz and honey, a dizzying blur of forest green and cinnamon. It's in a sense liberating. Liam hears sounds, sees vibrant merges of colours. He hears laughter. He digs and digs until the crack becomes a portal. An escape. 

 

XxxxxxxxxX

'You're still watching that guy? I swear Liam, you've seen that video at least a hundred times' Louis leans over Liam's shoulder to point to the raven haired figure talking animatedly on the screen. He rests his chin on Liam's shoulder before sighing and backing away. Liam is tempted to close the tab and wait until Louis leaves so that he can continue watching the video. He's just about to minimise the tab when Louis snatches his phone and closes it for him, a sharp brow lifted challengingly when Liam let's out a huff of indigence. 

'Give me my phone Tommo, I haven't seen that video yet, he just uploaded it' Liam argues, it's a weak argument he knows that but still, the videos have always been interesting and that particular one had been longer than the rest. Liam's hands almost itch at the anticipation of more time with Zayn, more of his calming voice and easy chatter. 

'Don't lie to me Liam. You've seen this one at least once today' Louis scoffs while placing Liam's phone in his pocket, away from Liam's reach, glaring back at Liam pointedly when he pouts. Okay, Liam may have watched the video once but that was rushed and in the middle of class with the volume turned low, that hardly counts. He needs to hear Zayn's booming velvety laughter at its loudest, until it has Liam's ears ringing, his cheeks a soft rose. 

Liam's a little infatuated with Zayn, he reckons it's just awe, he's so awed by Zayn. Completely besotted. 

'His videos are so boring though Liam. It's just about art. And you my friend, are not an art person' Louis reminds Liam with a tact and sharp tongue that Liam's grown to love, or accept. He doesn't know whether he loves or just deals with Louis some times. 

It's kind of ridiculous how Liam and Louis are fiends, they're like different enigmas yet they found a tie to one another and haven't seen to let go. It's mostly Liam who latches on even though Louis has tons of friends, he chooses Liam above them all. 

Another trait that Liam likes about Louis, however he doesn't like Louis enough that he can just insult Zayn's videos like that. So he kicks him in the shins for it. Louis howls in agony, causing a few heads to turn in their direction. Liam ducks his head in embarrassment, hating that the prying eyes of his peers. Louis, on the other hand, seemed bemused and hardly took notice to others glaring at him. 

That's another thing that differs between them, while Louis is loud and boisterous, Liam tends to shy away and mumble. Sometimes it was helpful having someone like Louis around, particularly since Louis balks at anyone who so much as looks at Liam in a detesting manner. Which turns out to be a lot of people. Liam can't help but be himself, he thinks that's what drives the people away from him. 

Something about his personality must be so toxic that it's drives everyone away. Liam doesn't mind too much. As long as he's got Louis and Zayn's videos, it's all that he's really wanted. 

'His videos are amazing. You told me so yourself Lou, no point denying it mate' Liam grumbles while poking a fork into his chips, wincing a little when they're barely cooked. He spits it out before he can think about throwing up. Louis watches on with a sneer on his face. 

'I said one of his videos was okay. One! I'm not you Liam. I don't think he shits gold and fairies' Louis points a chip accusingly at Liam then slathers it with ketchup and pops it into his mouth. Liam shakes his head in disbelief. He absolutely doesn't think Zayn shits gold and fairies, but it's probably something on that ethereal level. 

'You subscribed to his channel, you comment on his videos and cried when he came to Doncaster' Liam points out, grinning smugly when the chip dangling out of Louis' mouth falls onto his tray as he gasps, his mouth parted as he glares at Liam. 

'Are you quite finished? You made me subscribe because you thought it would make him happy! I deny you the right to accuse me like this. Didn't expect this from you Payno' Louis fakes a hurt look before stealing Liam's water and gulping it all down in one go, leaving Liam staring forlornly at his empty bottle. 

'Oh fuck off Payne. It's just water. Hurry up so I can go put my books back in the library. I'm already in shit because of them' Louis instructs and starts shovelling his sandwich into his mourn in such a rapid pace that Liam gets dizzy watching him. As usual Liam listens, he gulps down as much of his meal as he can without feeling sick and jumps out of his seat when Louis slams his phone down in front of him with a knowing smirk. 

There's a notification of Zayn's Twitter and Liam immediately stretches his hands to snatch his phone so he can see it but Louis tuts. Takes Liam's phone again and walks straight to the library. Liam takes their rubbish and trays back to the counter before heading after him, grumbling about stupid boys who steal their friends phone. 

 

It's not until much later that Liam is tucked away in his dorm with his blanket tucked over his head and his headphones plugged in, that he watches Zayn's video. He's a little disappointed because he's usually the first to comment and first to like the video but it's all Louis' fault that he's the last to see it properly. 

There's a moment of darkness then a light with Zayn's intro music, a upbeat piano track and a few seconds of him pulling funny faces. Liam giggles like its the funniest thing in the world. 

'Hey guys! How are you lot today? So this is just an update on what I'm doing so far' Zayn starts and Liam has to hold his breath and squeeze his eyes shut so that he doesn't squeal into the pillows like some love struck teen. It's just, he loves Zayn's videos so much. 

'I'm going to be going on a travely-sorta thing. It's a worldwide meet and greet but I'll also vlog about all the places I visit. We can do a little exploring together' Zayn continues in his excited chatter, eyes bright and glittery when he talks. Liam bites at his lip while watching Zayn show little clips of his travel vlogs from the past, all videos that Liam has learnt by heart, every country and every fact that Zayn spews. Liam's got noted in his head. 

Liam's slightly distracted with the way that Zayn bites his lip when he's thinking and the adorable way he makes sure to appreciate his fans, constantly showing fan art from fans in his videos and making a cute comment after each one. 

Liam had been once asked what super power he would have if he ever got one, Liam always says the ability to draw, because the way Zayn smiles, his nose scrunching, eyes crinkling and tongue pressed to the back of his teeth was a sight that was worth all the superpowers in the world. Every single piece of art received a Zayn smile. 

'Oh and I forgot to mention. I'll be choosing a few of you guys to come meet me, travel to a few places together and vlog! Of course all expenses paid and tons of food. Like, it's gonna be sick! If you wanna take part, just send me your Twitter name with a picture of why you should win' Zayn grins and Liam swears the screen brightens up considerably. A few links appear on the screen showcasing all of Zayn's social media accounts- Liam's followed every single one, even Zayn's old MySpace account- with emojis all over the screen. 

Liam's honestly got one of the worst encounters with luck, once he had been picked for a team with Louis, a collection of nice boys who wanted to have a kick about in the park, if Liam hadn't put his t shirt on so slowly he would've made it on that team but because Liam's run out of luck since the day he was born he got to be part of the team with Nathan. 

The same Nathan who picked on Liam for years but was still one of Louis' friends. He'd shoved Liam into the ground when he missed a corner shot and called him a big baby for crying afterwards. Liam's prone to never being fortunate enough but he still tries. He'll still try for Zayn. It's impossible he'll actually get selected but at least he would know in his heart that there was no way fate would've allowed him a chance to be with Zayn for a little while. 

Liam falls asleep that night with a huge smile on his face, hundreds of thoughts of what images to send to Zayn on his brain and his phone screen glued to his heart.

XxxxxxxxxX

After hours of scouring the Internet, Liam settles on a painting done entirely out of charcoal with a small star embedded between curves and smudges of darkness. It's glow burning bright enlarging the light, captivating the portal element of escape. It's a dumb thought but it's Liam perception of how much Zayn means to him. 

He ignores the countless numbers of people who send Zayn naughty pictures of how much he means to them. Just sends his own with a kiss and a sign that huffed into his pillows. It's not that he'd get chosen. It's just the thought that counts. 

That evening Liam eats his dinner happily and chatters to his mum over face time about school and Zayn so excitedly that he doesn't notice the shimmer in her wary eyes and the watery smile she hides into the sleeve of her tattered woolly jumper.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, Here's the new chapter! Tell me if you like it. I'm sorry you haven't seen Zayn yet but he'll be there eventually. Comments and Kudos are much appreciated. WARNING mentions of self harm. Maybe triggering   
> Mug- means face in Yorkshire area

There’s a certain element to being so infatuated with someone who doesn’t know you that tends to leave Liam a little unsettled. He wouldn’t say that he was completely arse over tits for him-as Louis so eloquently put it- it’s more of an admiration for someone undeniably cool. Liam’s mum says it’s sweet that Liam can identify with someone as intensely as he does with Zayn, she also looks at him with wide eyes when he chatters on about the videos and nods encouragingly even though she doesn’t understand what on earth Liam is going on about. He’s so lucky his mum doesn’t think he’s a right donut for acting so – Liam knows what the word is but he swore to his mum that he wouldn’t classify himself as something like that. No Liam, there’s nothing wrong with you, don’t you dare call yourself that. 

He’s chattering to his mum on the phone, he calls her daily so she doesn’t worry herself, while walking to his first lecture of the day when Louis tackles him from behind with a huge grin plastered all over his face. He motions for Liam to end the call quickly, which Liam does since he’s at his lecture hall room already and gives Louis a questioning look. 

‘I was talking to me mum before you interrupted me, you git’ Liam accuses but there’s no real heat to his words, just a light punch to Louis’ shoulder when he mimics Liam. 

‘Mate, you’re not gonna believe this! Guess who won?’ Louis exclaims while flapping his hands animatedly, his steel blue eyes glinting when he stares up at Liam. And Liam- Liam’s a little lost because what the hell is Louis even talking about?

‘Tommo, you’re rambling. Who won what?’ Liam asks, one eye watching the clock behind Louis’ head that indicates another few minutes before Liam’s class was due to start. 

‘That Zayn guy! The one you’re always talking about, he’s chosen all the people already. Liam I was chosen!’ Liam’s heart lurches in his chest. Oh. His limbs are swept in this icy gust, his insides burning, body going numb. Louis was going to meet Zayn. Louis. Not Liam. Liam feels like crying but he knows tears won’t come, his mind is whirling, thoughts blurring into one jumbled mess. Why not me? Why is it never me?

‘Liam, say something! Aren’t you excited? I’m well chuffed with myself to be honest Payno’ Louis is watching Liam, expression curious and slightly bemused. Liam feels sick. He’s supposed to be a good friend and be ecstatic for Louis, this is a once in a lifetime chance and its- it’s really fucking great that Louis won. 

‘Uh- Louis! That’s great. So great. I’m really happy for you but I really gotta head to class’ Liam stutters out, eyes scanning everywhere but Louis’ eyes. He can’t look at Louis without feeling like a shit person for not being happy for his friend. So he smiles. It’s a grimace but he tries to amend it but can’t, the corners of his lips twitch downwards on their own accord, lips falling apart as a disgusting sound half way a sob, half way a ferocious growl creeps out of his mouth. He clobbers a hand over his lips before turning away from Louis and stumbled over to his classroom. He’s okay, he just needs to breathe- fucking breathe.

His lungs heave to pull in air but none of it seems to actually settle his uneven pants, there’s a ball forming in his throat, Adams apple working around it. It’s not fair, it’s not fucking fair. 

Liam doesn’t know how he manages to calm himself down but he does, no-one has really bothered to check up on him even though he knows he’s been wheezing so loud, no-one asks why Liam keeps angrily rubbing the palms of his hands to his red rimmed eyes. No one asks if he’s okay. Usually when he panics like that there’s a soothing voice that coaxes him to relax, a voice that talks about Turkish delights form Istanbul and fancy chocolates from France but Liam can’t find peace in that voice right now when he feels so - betrayed. He can’t help but laugh self-deprecatingly at his own stupid luck, of course Louis would win. He was this close to being chosen, him and louis have near enough the same followers and post about university life. Louis’ last tweet was about having loser friends like Liam, he was so fucking close. 

There’s a sudden shrill sound that alerts those around him and they glare, of course when Liam could hardly drag in a breath of air they barely noticed but for that measly ring, all eyes were on him. 

‘Payno? You okay bro?’ the message reads and of course it’s from Louis because there’s hardly anyone else on Liam’s contact list apart from his family. Liam debates replying back to Louis, he’s actually not in the mood to talk about how amazing this chance to meet Zayn will be because Liam knows it will be glorious. The possibility to travel around with Zayn, to submerge yourself in conversation with him. Be close to him. More tears clog Liam’s throat and he feels so silly for getting so upset over this, he’s a grown man, he’s stopped the crying ever since he was a kid, he doesn’t want to feel any weaker than he is now. Liam decides to reply because Louis probably deserved to win the competition more than Liam and it’s all fair because Louis is a wonderful person. He’s smart, funny and talented, everything Liam isn’t. He scratches his nails down his palms again, sharp nails digging into the already wounded skin. His nails leave trails of ripped skin and blood merging together, only then does he feel good. 

 

XxxxxxxxxX

‘Louis won, mum. He’s gonna meet Zayn’ Liam tells her while he’s curled up under the covers, a pillow hugged tight to his chest to soothe the ache in his burning insides away. Liam’s bunked all his classes, straight after that first lecture he’d run off to his dorm room and locked the door, sinking into his bed, eyes bleary, head pounding. He hears her disappointment before she even speaks. Liam clenches his eyes tight so he can block away the excited look on Louis’ face but the image seems to have burned itself inside his eyelids and Liam can’t escape. 

‘Oh that’s lovely dear. Did- you took part in that competition too, didn’t you?’ Karen asks timidly, her tone is so soft, it’s like she’s afraid any loud sounds would break him. Liam thinks he’s already been shattered to pieces. 

‘Yeah, tried to get ‘im to notice me but he chose Louis instead. Louis is dead excited’ Liam plays with the cuff of his sleeve, wincing when the material drags over the scratches on his arms and hands. It’s an ugly habit that he’s learned since he was a kid and can’t seem to grow out of. 

‘Well I’m sure Louis would love it if you went along with him. Me and your dad have a few quid stowed away, we can send you with them if that’s want you want, love’ Karen soothes, her mellow tone easing the tense muscles Liam’s been sporting this whole time. Liam’s heard of the few quid that they have multiple times over the years, in reality they had a few thousand saved up for their retirement and Liam wouldn’t touch it. His parents would give him anything and that, that really makes Liam want to burst into tears because heaven knows they’ve tried so hard to look after him and make sure he had everything he could possibly want. 

‘No mum, thank you for the offer but I don’t think Louis wants me there. I’m always tagging along behind him. Think he’d rather not see my mug for a couple of days’ Liam tries to joke, eases out a laugh that he knows his mum can tell is put on. She still giggles half-heartedly and Liam loves her for it. 

‘You’ve got the loveliest mug of them all, my handsome baby you are’ Karen says with such a certainty to her voice that Liam almost believes her. 

‘Zayn’s the one with the loveliest mug’ he whispers, eyes widening in shock when his mum snorts out a chuckle that she no doubt hid into her small palms. He hasn’t told his parents about liking boys yet, Liam hasn’t quite figured it out himself to be quite honest, he just finds Zayn to be the most beautiful creature he’s ever laid his eyes on. Liam doesn’t know what that piece of information says about his sexual preference. Liam bites his tongue, awaiting for a snide comment, maybe a disgusted mum who finally sees sense that her boy isn’t as amazing as she makes him out to be. 

‘Liam, you’re a cheeky little sod! I knew you liked him! You’re right though, you both have lovely faces’ Karen exclaims and Liam’s cheeks are blurred with a blooming pink, he can’t believe he’s just told his mother he finds another man’s face attractive. He’s about to blurt out something, anything to distract his mother from what he’s said but she barrels on.

‘Liam. To me and your father nothing matters except your happiness. Whoever makes you happy, makes us happy. No matter if it’s a girl or a boy. We will always love you Liam’ She says with such a desperation to her tone that Liam almost wells up again because they deserved a better yet they still stuck with him, encouraged him no matter what he was doing. He’s so thankful he has his parents. They’re honestly his blessing.

 

Later on in the evening when Liam ends his call with his mum and actually buys himself dinner from the local chippy, he manages to text Louis back without feeling sick to his stomach. It turns out that Louis had been selected because one of the winners knew him and had tagged Zayn, Louis had only sent in a picture of superheroes which Zayn had liked and therefore chose Louis. Technically Liam still doesn’t understand, maybe its him being thick or maybe he’s bitter but Louis hasn’t ever been interested in Zayn’s videos, let alone to enter a competition expressing how much Zayn means to him. Liam accepts the fact that Louis will get to meet Zayn and tell Liam all about it which is better than nothing. He’s not as sullen when he picks up his phone and loads up Zayn’s new video where he congratulates his contest winners. 

Thank you all so much for sending in those tweets and messages. Honestly it’d be sick to take all of you with me. Huge congratulations to those who won, I’ll be seeing you soon’ Zayn cheers with such a stunning smile that Liam can’t help but grin along with him. He’s that endearing. Zayn goes on to talk about all the places the winners will travel to, he’s allocated each winner a particular country that they will vlog together in. Louis gets Istanbul, one of the most beautiful places in the world. Liam likes the video immediately then goes back to watching it fully. He’s eaten his lukewarm chips by the time the video is nearly done and he’s never felt so warm and giddy inside, it’s a feeling only Zayn can provide and for that Liam loves him for it. 

‘Here’s a few of my faviroute runner up tweets. They were all so sweet. @Madealena64 that is a sick drawing! @Real_Liam_Payne, this is a really beautiful concept babe. Really cool!’ Zayn exclaims with a tumbs up gesture that Liam chokes at. That’s him! That account was Liam’s twitter! Zayn had seen Liam’s message. Liam beams so wide and lets out an elated chuckle, he can’t believe it. This can’t be fucking real, no way. Liam brings his greasy hand to cover his mouth so that he doesn’t scream out loud, it feels so surreal to be noticed by the only one who truly matters. Zayn called Liam ‘babe’. Babe. Liam smothered his head in the pillows with a fist banging against the soft material. Zayn Fucking Malik of Drop Zed had called him, Liam as interesting as a post stamp Payne, babe. Liam spends the rest of his night in a daze, his cheeks hurt from smiling so wide but he can’t help himself. Maybe his luck wasn’t so shitty after all. Zayn had noticed him. That’s all that ever mattered to Liam.


	3. Chapter 3

Louis had rubbed his victory into Liam's face so thoroughly over the next few weeks that Liam honestly felt sick of him. Crowds hovered over their usually empty table to talk to Louis and ask him to tell Zayn something. One red head had told Louis to give her number to Zayn, Liam had snorted out loud and received a scathing glare from the girl so be shut his mouth. It's not that Liam is jealous of Louis, it's just- fuck it, Louis doesn't know that Zayn has three beautiful sisters, a wonderful mum who stumbles into his videos when she asks him about his laundry and a father whose as charming and intelligent as can be. Louis doesn't know Zayn graduated university with a English degree earlier than everyone else because he was so smart. Zayn had told them modestly with his cheeks tinged pink when he read over the comments the next week. Louis doesn't fucking know Zayn had to deal with assholes who made him feel different, weird. The same assholes that Liam faces every single day. Louis doesn't know and it's heart wrenching because Liam does. 

'I'm so chuffed. He's gonna take me to one of the fanciest hotels in Turkey, s'mad' Louis gloats and Liam has to curl his hands into fists so that he doesn't break his supposed best mate's face in half. Louis hadn't noticed how Liam felt. He's laughed in Liam's face when Liam had asked him if he knew a single thing about Zayn. 

 

'Lou, that sounds so great! Y'deserve this so much!' someone yells over the rabble of voices competing to be heard. Liam shoots daggers at whoever said that. Some short kid with dark eyes and greasy hair. Liam almost wishes he could grab the boy by his shirt and shake some sense into him because no Louis doesn't fucking deserve it. 

'Thanks Jeremy. Yeah I kinda do deserve it don't I? I've wanted to meet him for ages. Isn't that right Liam?' Louis looks at Liam pointedly, piercing eyes scanning over Liam's face, his lips twitching into a smirk when Liam scoffs and mumbles a half arsed agreement. Honestly Liam's had it with this shit. He gather his lunch on the red tray and stands up, earning a sharp brow lifted in his direction when he looks at Louis. Before Liam's even stood up, Jeremy is in his seat fawning over Louis and asking him questions. 

'Leemo, where you off to mate?' Louis yells after Liam who grumbles under his breath and hits Jeremy with his tray, pretending it was an accident. 

'To the library. Need to return some books. I'll see you later' Liam replies and shoves his uneaten meal into the nearly bins, suddenly losing his appetite. It's not fucking fair, it's just so u-

'OKay Liam! I'll ask Zayn to sign an autograph for you or something' Louis calls after Liam's retreating form. Liam doesn't dignify him with a response. Liam ignores the jeers and laughter that follows him. 

 

-X-

Liam's just sitting on his bed finishing off a few pieces of homework when Louis barges into the room yelling at the top of his voice. Liam swears he locked the door. 

'Liam! Get your ass up, I need you to help me pack' Louis leaps onto Liam's bed, jostling the papers Liam was evidently working hard on. Liam watches Louis from beneath his lashes, bottom lip tucked away between his teeth so that none of what he's thinking slips past his lips. 

'Why do you need me? You're always taking the piss out of my clothes' Liam grumbles because it's true. Louis always makes fun of Liam's attire no matter how hard Liam tries to impress him. 

'Yes. You're clothes are a mess mate. I want you to drive me to the airport next week. My parents would. But I don't wanna tire them' Louis commands with his hair fanning over Liam's sheets. Liam smirks evilly when Louis rubs his hair all over the sheets, those particular sheets that Liam hasn't managed to put in the wash after a rut in between the sheets while thinking about Zayn and his gravelly morning voice and jutting cheek bones. Liam pressed his lips together to hide his laugh. 

'Yeah. Okay I'll drive you. Now please go, I've got work to do' Liam dismisses with a wave of his hand. Louis stands up and shoves a hand through his hair, face crinkling in thought which has Liam gasping in panic, Louis shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly and Liam breathes a sigh of relief. 

'I'm super excited man. I've always wanted to go travelling. Imagine me in Turkey. It's gonna be sick!' Louis' eyes sparkle with such joy that Liam feels atrocious for being jealous of him for winning the competition. Liam's such a shit friend. Louis had obviously not meant to win, he's just a lucky guy. 

'Yeah, yeah. You deserve it mate. You really do. Didn't know you watched his videos but. It's cool' Liam feigns disinterest, while doodling Zayn's initials into the margin of his work book.

'Why do I feel like you don't mean that?' Louis says, foot tapping on the carpeted floor of Liam's room. He peers down at Liam with a frown that doesn't sit quite right on his face. 

'I - Louis. I do mean it. I'm happy for you' Liam amends, ducking his head to hide his flushed cheeks that burn under Louis' scrutiny. 'It's not like I really wanted to meet him' Liam continues, winces after the words escape his mouth. Damn his big mouth. Louis just laughs. He laughs in Liam's face with such delight that Liam considers leaving the room, even though it is his room. He just doesn't think he can handle Louis being this condescending. They've never really argued this much but Liam's almost sure this isn't the Louis he made friends with. 

 

'You're funny Liam. So oblivious. So naive' Louis ruffles a hand through Liam's styled hair, patting his head like he would do to some dog. Liam hates it . 

 

//////////

 

That night Liam dreams of plush lips whispering naughty things in his flushed ears, hands working their way down his body, sculpting and moulding at Liam's skin. Sharp teeth smoothing over the tendons of his exposed neck. Warm sheets wrapped around their sweat slicked bodies. Plump lips that play against Liam's cheek, legs entangled together. The other hand ghosting touches over Liam's entrance. Hot breaths fanning over eachother's faces. Glistening tattoos peeking with every jostling move. Liam's hands cupped around a secure neck, fingers knotting up in inky locks with moans echoing between Liam's parted lips. Berths heaving. Please. Zayn. 

 

 

-X-

The week passes in a blur of shopping with Louis and midnight chats with his mum. Liam tries not to think about how amazing this opportunity is and how lonely he will be when Louis goes. Despite Louis being a pain in the backside for the whole week he was Liam's only friend who ensured that Liam was okay and that meant a lot to Liam. His thoughts are filled with watching vlogs that will have both Louis and Zayn talking, having fun. Exploring the world. 

To be fair Liam has an odd feeling. His mother has been so chirpy when he called her the previous night. His professor had even been weirdly gleeful. Liam had chalked it up to the fact that he had finished his coursework and helped a few of the others with their work. 

'Liam. Snap out of it mate. I need to find which gate to meet Zayn at' Louis startles Liam from his thoughts with a shove. Liam mumbles and holds his arm close to his chest because Louis has small claws that dig into Liam's sore muscles. 

'Wait. You're meeting him here? Liam fumbles with Louis' bags and tries to slick back his unruly hair and tug at the indecently tight shirt he was wearing. He couldn't meet Zayn like this. The last time he had meant Zayn he was a awkward anti social fourteen year old with gangly limbs and straightened hair. He had stuttered his way through the ten minute slot with horrendously flushed cheeks. Zayn had been nice. So nice. He shook Liam's hand gently and offered him a hug, asked him loads of questions and handed him an autograph when he forgot to ask for one. Liam didn't really want to meet Zayn while looking like a right mess with worn grey sweats and his stubble unshaven. 

'Yeah dummy. He's meeting me over there. Oh wait. That's him' Louis yells and hurtles forward to where a bunch of people are gathered. A few straggles of girls fawning over the figure in a leather jacket. Liam's heart stops in his chest. This was it. The moment Liam has been waiting for his entire life. The chance to talk to Zayn without stumbling over his words. Without trembling so much that Zayn had to encircle his wrist to keep him steady. 

'Come over here you donut! Come meet Zayn !' Louis shouts, his voice booming across the airport, alerting people who then turn to gawp at Liam then at Zayn. 

Zayn who turns around with one smooth brow arched, his gaze searching until he finds Liam. And he grins. A beautiful smile. Plump lips twisting upwards, teeth pristine and a tongue pushed to back of his teeth, peeking in between his pearly teeth. Liam' doesn't know how his feet move but they do. Until he is stood in front of Zayn. The same Zayn who Liam's been nuts about for years. The same Zayn on the videos except he's so much more etheral in person. His usually honey coloured eyes now a mixture of soft caramels, forest greens and whisps of topaz. His dark lashes are thicker now, almost fanning over his cheekbones, casting shadows on smooth skin that Liam wants to kiss all over. Liam almost reaches out to touch Zayn', his small sculpted nose, perfectly angled jawline and stubble. 

'Zayn, This is Louis Tomlinson. He's the guy who won the competition' Louis shoves Liam forward. His smile wide and his eyes watery. Liam opens his mouth to argue because what? He's opening his mouth to say the words that are whirling around his mind. He can't think. He's got to be dreaming. These things don't happen to people like Liam. 

'Liam. Please do this for yourself,love. You deserve it. Go. I only took part so you could win. Now go' Louis whispers then grins , patting Liam's shoulder while pushing him closer to Zayn. Zayn who is grinning widely while eyeing Liam up and down, teeth digging into his plush lower lip. Liam's world stops momentarily.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS IM SUCH A LIL SHIT IM SO SORRRRYYYYY
> 
> listen I've been like swimming in coursework and exams and coursework and exams and I'm still swamped with it but I haven't updated in AGESSSSSSS. IM SO SORRY OOKAY BUT LISTEN HOW GREAT IS MIND OF MINE ? I was getting soooo inspired to write so many fics (ZIAM oBVS) because of some songs (fool for you is about Liam) but then I was like if I can't upload a chapter for one book how am I gonna deal with multiple fics so.. Anyways guys in so sorry. I love you lots. PPZ keep reading and I'm such a ho for angst ... HAVE FUN

Iits slightly surreal to be sitting in front of Zayn and actually speaking to him, he's a little more beautiful in person and Liam can't help but gawp because he's finally managed to get this close to Zayn. His stomach is a muddle of nerves and his shaking hands are gripping the suitcase Louis had pushed into his hands, so tightly that his knuckles are white. He wants someone to pinch him, shove him back into really but the thick laughter that Zayn lets out trickles over Liam's ear and it's real. Everything is real. He's sitting in an airport with a luggage bag that is obviously not his old battered toy story one. He's in shock, the world is swimming, mind whirling with different thoughts but it's Zayn smile the stays in focus the whole time. 

'I'm Zayn, it's nice to meet you Louis'. Oh. Liam shakes his head and almost blurts out his real name when Louis sends him a scathing look from behind Zayn's shoulder while mouthing at Liam to play along. So Liam does. He nods belatedly and sticks out his hand for Zayn to shake.

'I'm, Li-Louis. Yeah, Louis. It's nice to meet you Zayn' Liam says with as much confidence as he can muster. Turns out he can't muster that much confidence because his voice wobbles and his hands shake when Zayn looks at his hand in curiosity. Liam's about to pull his hand away when Zayn grabs his hand in his own, warmth spreading all over Liam's arm. 

'You're the polite one then. Pleasure is all mine mate. You ready to head off to Turkey?' Zayn asks and his hand grips Liam's one a little tighter, the strength in his hand making Liam feel like putty. His tongue feels so heavy it takes him a few seconds to blurt out a reply. 

'I'm. Thank you, I really can't wait' Liam pulls his hand back from Zayn who seems to have forgotten that their hands were interlinked. Liam's heart beats faster in his chest at that. 

Zayn grins, the crinkles by his eyes forming ever so delicately at the edge of his beautiful eyes. Liam's never seen a smile so worthy of all good things in the world. He's sure he's memorised it to heart when Louis thumps him on the back and knocks him back into his senses. 

Louis leans in, mouth hovering by Liam's eat while he eyes Zayn. 'You're embarrassing yourself mate. You've gone all red like some kid meeting his fav superhero or sunmat. Relax' he whispers. 

Liam's trying to. He swears it. It's just Zayn's taller than he anticipated and he's eye to eye with Liam. His smile almost blinding with its glow. His frame slim but strong. Liam wants to hug him so tight and never let go. He wants to feel those lithe muscles pressed up against his own. He's way in over his head and it's ridiculous. 

'Alright babe shall we go then? You wanna say bye to your mate Leeyum?' Zayn looks up from where he'd been texting someone. Liam buckles at the sound of his name on Zayn's tongue. What was the sound of Liam's name before this moment? Before it was uttered out of those perfectly plumped parted lips? Liam looks away from Zayn's wide, earnest eyes and tugs Louis to his chest and just breathes him in. He takes in the faint scent of Louis' cologne, the air of the football pitches that Louis kips out at and a trace of weed from the party they had been to the other day, the scent no doubt clinging to the jacket he's wearing now. Louis smells like home and comfort and Liam's a little terrified of letting go. 

Zayn coos at them and chuckles when Liam's cheeks heat at getting caught sniffing his best mate. 'You're making me feel like I'm taking a puppy away from its mum or sunmat' Zayn comments while tugging his bag pack over his shoulder. He laughs wholeheartedly when Louis mimes something inappropriate to him. 

'You are taking my puppy. You best look out for him over there in Turkey. He's a special 'un our Li- Louis' Louis ruffles Liam's hair, he's standing on his tip toes to try and reach Liam's height. Louis is actually tiny. 

'I'll protect him like he's my lil pup, no worries yeah? Like , I promise it's gonna be mad fun' Zayn says in all earnest with a solemn nod to his head. Liam almost chokes at that because he really likes the idea of Zayn protecting him even though he's capable enough to protect himself, he still wouldn't mind protection from Zayn. 

'Alright we should go catch our flight, it was really sick meeting you Liam. Like, honestly a pleasure' Zayn extends his hand out to Louis with a wan smile that Louis blinks in awe at and Liam can't really blame him. Zayn is stunning. 

Liam feels a tug of gaudily when Zayn wraps an arm around Louis gently and moves back wishing him a goodbye. He shouldn't have lied about being Louis, he should've already told Zayn by now. It's better not to hide things. He doesn't get long to get lost in his guilt because Zayn turns to him and hands Liam his suitcase with wide earnest eyes that Liam's grown to love. 

'Alright come on' Zayn nods towards the entrance of the gate, Liam picks up his bag and follows Zayn with complete trust in him. Such utter belief in him that he'd be willing to follow Zayn to the ends d the world. 

'Bye Liam, have fun but not that much fun an' call me if you two shag' Louis yells, voice hiccuping with laughter when Liam almost drops his suitcase in horror. He eyes Zayn who is already ahead talking to some fans who've waited for him and he seems not to have heard. Liam sighs in relief and sticks up his middle finger at Louis who only howls with more laughter. Liam really hates Louis. 

Liam hurries to catch up, trainers squeaking against the shiny floorboards, his heart pounding in absolute delight. It's gonna be a wild adventure. 

 

Getting through customs is tricky because Louis had shoved Liam's passport through the front of his suitcase with a pre booked ticket. Zayn had brought a ticket for Louis not for Liam and so Louis had been prepared. After an hour of frantic texting Louis had calmed Liam down, telling him he swapped the ticket and paid for Liam's one with his connections. Liam is much more at peace now. Zayn hadn't noticed his dilemma because too many and had tried to break into customs and he was too busy dealing with them, taking pictures and replying to people on snapchat. Liam's never been more grateful for social media and loud mouthed fans in his life. 

Liam's clutching his ticket in his hand while eyeing the clock above the plane times. They've got a couple of minutes until the plane is ready for them to go on and Zayn's still busy with fans. His bodyguard and security not keeping an eye out for the time either. 

Liam shifts his feet over the shiny flooring, it's so clean he could almost see his reflection in it. He debates going up to Zayn and reminding him of their flight but he's much too nervous to actually approach the love of his life. Okay not entirely love of his life, the love of his entire world sounds a little less embarrassing. 

'Flight 569 heading to Istanbul, Turkey is now boarding the plane. All attendants please head to gate eleven' an overhead voice booms over in the speaker phones. Liam looks down at his ticket and sees that it's their flight. He runs. 

He's holding his suitcase to his chest while his feet pound onto the ground as he runs over to Zayn who hasn't noticed the overhead speaker. 

'Zayn!' Liam yells once he's in close distance to him, 'Zayn, our flight is boarding now! We have to go now' 

Zayn turns his attention to Liam whose panting with wide frantic eyes. He looks up at the clock on the wall, his beautiful eyes widening too as he picks up his suitcase and rushes over to the gate. One hand grabbing Liam's wrist on his way and tugging Liam along with him. 

'Shit. Shit. Fuck we're so late. Why didn't you say something earlier Louis?!' Zayn shouts over his shoulder, his hand tightening around Liam to make him move faster. 

'I thought you K-' 

'Shut up man. Move faster then. Hurry the fuck up' Zayn ignores what Liam was going to say. Liam tries not to take it to heart. They race to the gate and make it onto the plane door just in the nick of time. They're both sweaty and exhausted when they hand over their tickets. They're both seated in the first class section when they can finally relax. 

There's a comfortable chair, a big television and so much leg space that Liam knows he's going to be relaxed during this flight. Liam's hoping this whole trip will go well, he's excited but there's one thing he knows he needs to do, he needs to win back Zayn's approval. 

'Hey guys! I'm on the plane now and we're heading off to Turkey baby! We were gonna miss the flight but we made it. Oh and here's the contest winner. Say hi babe!' Zayn's pointing the GoPro camera in Liam's face with such excitement that Liam musters up all his courage and gives a beaming smile and waves. He's not really used to cameras and is unbelievably camera shy. 

'I'll be vlogging more when we get there but for now we just got on the plane. I'm proper excited but we have to rest up so we can explore as soon as we land! I'll see you guys in a few' Zayn pulls the camera away and fiddles with the screen a little bit, his smile still lighting up his beautiful face. 

Liam's so enthralled by Zayn taking videos because it's so exciting seeing everything behind the scenes. The way Zayn has to find the perfect lighting, the best angle to show the both of them sitting side by side. It's just so interesting. 

'Sorry I shouted at you back there. It was wrong yeah? You were sick babe. Thanks for reminding me about the flight, we wouldn't have made it without you. Sorry yeah Louis? Like I promise I'm not mean' Zayn grins while putting down his camera and looking up at Liam with a genuinely apologetic face. 

'I'm Liam' the words leave his mouth so abruptly he doesn't even realise he's spoken until he sees Zayn's eyes widen in confusion. 

'Wait. What?' 

Liam freezes, he hadn't meant to let that slip. He doesn't know how else he would've been able to tell Zayn the truth but he'd never envisioned blurting it out on a plane taking him to Turkey with essentially the love of his life. 

'What do you mean you're Liam? Who the fuck is Louis then?' Zayn whisper yells as he clips on his seatbelt and instructs Liam to do the same albeit in a very pissed off manner. Liam opens his mouth to answer the questions but he just couldn't form the words. 

'Fucking answer me man! This some kinda sick joke or sunmat? You just some daft punk who thinks its funny to mess with me?' Zayn's really pissed off now. Liam thinks in the back of his mind that he's ridiculously attractive with his brows furrowed and pouty lips. 

'No! I swear to you Zayn! I do love your vlog-' 

'Shut the fuck up man. Stop kissing my arse after blatantly lying to my face. Get off the plane, you're not fucking coming with me' Zayn kicks out at the chair in front of him. Liam tries to open his mouth but there's something clogging up his throat, his breathing turns irregular and he just can't fucking breathe. 

He lifts the partition, that separates them, up so that he can't see or hear Zayn hiss out about a fucking lying catfish. He merely hides his face into the neck rest of the seat and let's out his tears. The tears keep on coming even when the plane lifts into the sky and they're levitated high. It's such a mess and nothing good ever happens to Liam. Nothing good happens to bad people. 

 

X 

'Um, wake up Liam? We just landed' someone says quietly while gently patting Liam's shoulder. Liam blinks his eyes open several times, his mind is a little foggy, cheeks sticky with the tear trails from the night before. His nose is unbearably stuffy and he's covered in a blanket that he doesn't remember ever wrapping around himself so tightly. Liam looks up from under his wet, stuck together in patches eyelashes and licks at his dry mouth. 

'You were knocked out the entire flight. You missed the food and stuff but m' sure the lady with the trolley will come back in a bit if you're hungry' Zayn says, not once looking at Liam and maybe Liam dies a little inside because of that. 

'Um, sorry. Not very hungry actually. Jus' a bit thirsty' Liam croaks out while scratching nervously at the back of his neck. Zayn still seems a bit angry at him and he'd rather not enrage him even more by begging him for food when it was his own fault that he slept through the whole flight. 

'Oh, um here ya go then' Zayn picks up a water bottle that was on his table and un caps the lid before handing the bottle over to Liam. 

Liam choked out a thank you and chugs down the entire bottle in one go, a little of the water running down his chin in his haste to quench his thirst. It's only when Zayn is taking his bag out from the overhead compartment that Liam notices that the partition separating them had been taken down and two blankets were wrapped around Liam's body rather than just the one which was his own, which means that.. 

Liam ducks his head a little, hands pulling at the hem of his shirt in such a nervous manner that his hands are almost shaking. He picks up the same hem he'd been faffing around with and wipes at his puffy cheeks in an attempt to wipe away the sticky tear tracks. When Liam chances a look up he notices that Zayn's giving him this strange look and a solemn nod of his head. Liam's face flushed at being caught wiping his tears away, honestly he's a grown arse man, he shouldn't be crying like a baby. 

'Listen we better get out of here, then we um, then we can talk about everything yeah? C'mon bro, I'll get you a sandwich or sunmat when we go inside the airport. That sound okay?' Zayn asks as he helps Liam out of his seat with one outstretched arm. Liam just nods gratefully, taking Zayn's hand and sniffling as quietly as he can as they leave the aircraft. 

His heart thuds in his chest because Zayn keeps a firm but gentle grip around his wrist as he guides him through the complicated pathways and corridors. Zayn's soothing fingers constantly rub comforting circles into Liam's skin as they amble over to baggage claims.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated finally. Guys I'm so late but I e lost hope with this fic. I'm still trying tho idk drop me a comment if you think I should continue with it. Not feeling it right now but idk

'Okay so please tell me again what's going on? Who is Louis?' Zayn asks while getting comfy on the chair of the taxi. Liam sighs defeatedly and hides his face in his hands. 

They had spoken very briefly about superheroes and the latest movies as a means of distracting from the obvious questions. Zayn had been true to his word and had brought Liam a sub from the airport's subway and encouraged him to take his time when Liam shovelled the food as quickly as he could down his throat. 

'Louis is my best mate. He only entreated the competition to see if he was lucky enough to get the chance to meet you and he was. Except he gave me the ticket and said to play along and pretend to be him. To be fair, it was a stupid idea and you already hate me' Liam rambles on, hands twisted into his jumper. It's incredibly hot in the taxi but Liam's insides are shivering. 

'Wait. You're talking so fast mate, like, chill out yeah? Louis is the one who won the competition except he told you to go in his place ' Zayn clarifies. Liam blushes but nods along despite being mortified at how it sounds in the open expanse of the taxi. The guy says something and Zayn responds in a language that Liam doesn't really understand except it just sounds beautiful. 

'I'm actually really sorry' Liam mumbles. He fiddles with his phone until it almost slips out of his sweaty grip. 'I'm a right knob and I shouldn't have done that' he continues. 

'You're not- don't worry about it. I suppose I would've done the same thing if I was in your position' Zayn nods in acknowledgement and gives a shrug of his shoulders when Liam looks over at him in awe. 

'But I lied about who I am?' Liam tries to make Zayn see sense, he shouldn't let Liam off the hook so easily. 

'Alright, explain the whole thing to me, babe. Lemme hear you out and then decide if I wanna be mad at you, yeah?' Zayn decides and leans back against the leather of the seat with a small grin playing on his lips. Liam's never wanted to kiss someone so badly in that moment. 

'Um I guess. I entered the competition just like Louis. He entered just to take the piss outta me 'cause I'm a fan' Liam pauses to look up at Zayn from beneath his lashes. The other lad is watching Liam with all his attention and that makes Liam a little more nervous. 

'N it turns out that he won. The donut drove me mad, proper shoving it in my face and made me drive him to the airport to see you. As soon as we got there he introduced me as himself and told me to enjoy meself. S' a bit ridiculous to be fair. I shouldn't have listened to him' Liam rambles on. 

'So he surprised you with it then?'Zayn asks with a brow arched as he takes in Liam's appearance. Liam feels his cheeks flush. 

'Yeah. I swear to you! He just pushed me in there and introduced me as Louis. I swear I didn't know anything about it. Louis always does that kinda stuff to me. He's proper mental' Liam says earnestly, his eyes widening by their own accord, his body leaning closer to Zayn's. 

'That makes sense. Suppose it's better that you came here rather than someone whose not a fan' Zayn shrugs and pulls out a cigarette from his pocket, placing it between his plush lips and goes to search for a lighter. Liam immediately fishes out his batman lighter and offers it up to Zayn, held tightly in the grip of his sweaty hand. Zayn raises a brow at Liam and takes the lighter with a grin. 

'You smoke?' He asks while holding the lighter up to the cigarette, his other hand curled over the flame. 

'Only when I'm nervous' Liam replies. He's actually craving a cigarette now. 

Zayn nods and hums in understanding, he puffs in a breath and then blows the smoke out of the corner of his mouth, eyes closed as he enjoyed the feeling of the smoke. Liam strained to inhale the leftover fumes in the air. 

'Alright. Suppose I gotta apologise then. I was out of order with the way I was talking to you, yeah? Like I'm not usually like that. I'm really sorry for yelling at you, Liam' Zayn says earnestly. His tongue pokes out and wets his lovely lips as he gives Liam a soft smile. 

'S'okay. I would've acted the same way too. Don't worry about it bro. I get annoying sometimes so I get you' Liam grins happily, finally they're talking properly without him ending up in tears. He's so grateful that Zayn gave him the chance to explain himself instead of putting Liam on the first flight back to London and giving his place to someone more deserving than Liam. 

'You're not annoying. Actually. Far from it man. I uh got my own reasons for acting the way I did but that's not an excuse. I was rude. I'm sorry. None of it was y'fault babe' Zayn finishes up his cigarette and stubs it out of the window where they're parked waiting for the rain to subside a little before getting to their apartment. 

'Oh well. I accept your apology. Even though I totally understand why you acted that way and trust me. You don't need to apologise' Liam smiles sweetly shaking his head when Zayn raises an eyebrow at him sceptically. 

'You're too sweet Liam' Zayn says as he stares at Liam with an unreadable expression on his face that has Liam squirming in his seat. 

'I'm not, really. I just know that I annoy people so I knew I'd annoy you too. T'be fair I have a habit of annoying people and making them angry. So it's all good' Liam says happily. He sits up in his seat and looks around the new surroundings. There's a few houses that are all pinks and blues, all packed together with wooden doors and kids playing in the streets. Despite the rain Liam can feel the bursts of colours of the country echo vibrantly. He's so busy watching a little boy play football with his friends that he startles when he feels a heavy weight on his shoulders. Liam turns to see that Zayn's put his arm around his shoulders and is looking at him in a really strange way. 

'What?' Liam asks him, trying not to squeal under the warmth of Zayn's arm and the glittery eyes that are focused so intensely on him. 

'What I did was wrong. Stop letting me get away with it Liam' Zayn says with wide eyes that Liam's afraid to look away from. He nods, still entranced by Zayn's gaze. 'On and babe?' Zayn leans a little closer to Liam. The younger lad's eyes widen even further but he doesn't back away only hums as affirmation to Zayn. 'Don't let anyone else get away with it either, like, you deserve better than that, yeah?' Zayn finishes and his face is so close to Liam's that the sandy haired lad can smell the heady scent of his deliciously spicy cologne, the bitter scent of his cigarettes and the slightest trace of peppermint. 

He can't tucking breathe is the thing. He's so close to one person he's loved his entire life. He's so close to just tilting his chin up and kissing Zayn square on the mouth. He's so close to having a happily ever after. Except. Zayn's just being friendly. Zayn's never going to look at Liam like he's attracted to him. And why should he? No one loved Liam before. Why should they start now ? 

'Um can we go inside now?' Liam whispers as he backs away from Zayn, moving to the furthest end of the seat so he can regain his breath. So his pounding heart would stop trying to escape his chest. 

Zayn's still watching Liam, the younger boy can feel his penetrating gaze all over him. 'Yeah sure. Let's head inside' the raven haired boy said finally with a sigh as he ducks his head. 

Zayn says something to the driver who merely grunts and unlocks the door. Liam watches Zayn step out of the car and go to the trunk of the car and pulling out their luggage. He jumps out of the car to help him with the bags. The rain is still pelting the ground and Liam's fringe has fallen over his eyes by the time he's gathered his bags and is headed to the front of the apartment complex. He turns around when he hears the squelching of shoes and sees Zayn run back to the driver with a few notes in his hand and he thanks him. Zayn runs back to Liam with a smile playing on his lips and a hand going to sweep his wet hair away from his view making him look even more beautiful. Liam has to hold onto the door to be able to stand upright when Zayn's stood so wet and so close to him. 

They stumble into the building, their bags trailing behind them, Liam tagging along behind Zayn because he feels entirely out of place in this beautiful country and in this huge complex. The reception has a cream and gold aesthetic with several paintings on the wall and lavish couches spaced out all over the huge room. There's a chandelier that's probably the size of Liam's dorm in university hanging above them and it twinkles a concoction of colours that has Liam gasping in awe. 

'Come here Liam' Zayn calls out and his voice echoes in the quiet of the reception. Liam turns to face the other lad whose giving Liam a fond little smirk but the receptionist behind the desk looks far from amused and maybe that has Liam rushing over to see what he's needed for. 

'They want you to sign this babe. They wanna see your visa too' Zayn explains while signing his own bit of the paper. Liam pulls his bags closer to him and searches his pockets for the visa he knows he put there except. It's not there. He immediately panics. 'I have it here. I know I do' Liam stumbles over his words while searching his pockets frantically. The lady behind the desk sighs in annoyance. Liams breathing becomes a little more laboured. He squats down by his bags and opens them up to search trough his clothes. 

'I have it here somewhere' Liam mumbles while pushing his clothes around and searching through the embarrassingly small and see through boxers that Louis' put in the luggage. 

'Liam-' Zayn starts to say but Liam continues over him, interrupting what he was going to say. 

'No, please Zayn. I have it. I know it's here. Don't make me go back to the airport' Liam pleads while pulling out his clothes onto the floor. He can't believe that they've gotten this far and he's actually made it into Istanbul and it's going to be all taken away from him just because of a stupid visa. 

'Liam maybe you-' Zayn starts again but Liam only throws his clothes out faster. 

'I have it Zayn. Please let me just find it. I don't wanna go back home. Not after - it's here. I promise ' Liam is tipping over his luggage and there's no visa. A pair of the entirely too sexy boxers fly to Zayn's feet and Liam honestly too panicked to care at that moment. 

'Liam! It's in your back pocket babe' Zayn says gently with a hand to Liam's shoulder. Liam immediately freezes while Zayn starts picking up the clothes that have been strewed everywhere. Liam reaches behind him and groaned when he found the visa just like Zayn had said, in his back pocket. Liam honestly thinks dying of embarrassment would be the way he went down. 

'Come on babe. Sign it and show them the visa' Zayn encourages while bending down to put Liam's clothes back inside the bag, his deft fingers hovering over a pair of boxers that are lacy and entirely see through. Liam feels his face heat up in horror at the sight. Zayn's long beautiful fingers that are cluttered with bulky silver rings are picking up the delicate fabric as he looks up at Liam with one brow raised in surprise before taking the (Liam doesn't wanna call them panties) boxers and shoving them in his leather jacket pocket. 

Liam's feels the coil of embarrassment to the core of his belly. His hands shake when he sees the way Zayn's cheeks are a little flushed too. He can only imagine what he looks like, knowing threat he blushes all the way to his chest when he's embarrassed. Liam's cheeks are burning, the tips of his ears are burning too. He wants to be swallowed up into the ground. Or maybe he should've agreed to go back to the airport. Stupid Louis had filed his bags with naughty underwear and now Zayn's seen it all. The love of Liam's life has seen his panties. 

Liam turns to the lady who looks bored by the whole affair. He gasps out a breath and signs the paper quickly all the while shoving his visa over to the lady who merely picks it up with her fingertips and stamps it before typing something on her laptop and facing away from them. Zayn stood up with a smirk with Liam's now cleared up bag handing it over to Liam and takes the keys from the lady. 

'Thanks love. Come on Liam' Zayn says happily while moving over to the lifts with Liam trailing after him. His insides still a mess and his face a blaring heat of horror.

Liam's avoiding looking anywhere Zayn but the lacy material poking out of his leather jacket pocket has him fixated. 

'Um can I have that back please?' Liam asks, his eyes focused on the space between Zayn's shoulder and neck. He shudders when Zayn pulls out the delicate material with two fingers and holds it up in front of Liam. The material slips through Zayn's solid fingers as he lifts it up properly to admire the fit of the lingerie. Liam hates Louis Tomlinson. 

'Didn't take you for the type of guy to wear this type of stuff' Zayn says honestly with a smirk. He raises a brow and puts the flimsy material closer to Liam. 

'Please. It's not mine. Louis' Liam hurries to amend because he doesn't want Zayn to think badly of him. Even though he personally doesn't think owning that sort of stuff is bad. 

'I know. There's a post it note with it that says so' Zayn chuckles. He pats Liam's shoulder kindly and places the panties in Liam's hands. Liam clutches at the material fiercely, his teeth digging into his lower lip. 

'Bit of a shame though. You would look pretty in them' Zayn says as the elevator door pings open as they arrive to their floor.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so ugly. I wrote so many versions of this chapter but they were all shitty. Idk this one was the better one. Sorry guys. :( 
> 
> I'm going it'll get better once they start vlogging together and going to places.

Pretty? 

Adjective. 

(of a person, especially a woman or child) attractive in a delicate way.

Isn't that very feminine? Liam's not a girl so he doesn't really know if he should take that as a compliment or not. He signs while rolling over in bed. He had been waiting to find a definition for being 'pretty' so maybe he could understand what Zayn meant by calling him that. After the pretty in panties comment Zayn had rushed off to shower with a rosy pink dusting his lovely cheeks. Leaving Liam in the bedroom of the apartment that thankfully had two separate beds. Liam doesn't think that he would survive sharing a bed with Zayn. He groans into the pillow and hides his face in shame. 

He's only here to have fun, he shouldn't thinking about Zayn in naughty scenarios because it won't happen. Liam will make sure of it himself, he's an adult and knows how to control himself around attractive people even if said attractive person was the most attractive on the planet. Liam can still do it. 

Maybe 

The apartment they have is crazy. There's a huge living room with lovely warm tones that makes it more homely and rather refreshing with its blues and beiges. Theres a few comfy sofas and cushions scattered around with a flat screen tv hanging on the wall. Along the side is a spacious kitchen with a dining table with the daintiest decor in the middle that Liam would really enjoy using to serve some of his cooking for Zayn. The bedroom. Is the thing. Liam had expected it to be bigger. He's not complaining it's probably the size of his living room at home. It's just a really confined space for two men where one of the said men is unbelievably attractive and Liam would prefer a little distance since he has an embarrassingly low self control. He grumbles under his breath and rolls over so his face is stuffed into the pillows. He's so busy thinking about why Zayn would call him feminine that he doesn't hear the bathroom door unlock. 

'You okay there?' Zayn's smooth voice is a lot closer than Liam had expected. Hell he hadn't even expected Zayn to be close to him. Liam turns around to find a wet Zayn staring down at him with a wan smile that has Liam melting against his mattress. 

There's something about the way that Zayn's dark locks are slicked back and out of the way that makes Liam squirm in the best of ways. There's droplets trailing down Zayn's elegant neck where a chain still dangles, the drops rolling down onto Zayn's chest and stomach, making Liam eyes follow their path. He's blaming the water droplets but really, Liam's been curious about how Zayn would look like shirtless for a while. It's not like he hasn't seen Zayn shirtless before. 

Zayn had done a few photo shoots a few years ago when he made it on the cover of several magazines so Liam's distinctly aware that Zayn's lithe but muscular. Except those photo shoots were years old and Zayn's filled out a bit more , allowed more ink to wrap around his torso and shoulders. He's a little thicker. 

The droplets run down the vee of his hips until they disappear from Liam's line of vision and into the towel that Zayn's wrapped around his lower half loosely. 

'Liam?' 

Liam can't remove his gaze. Zayn's got a tattoo on his hip that makes Liam want to kiss him loads. 'Don't think I won't'. It's almost like a threat. Liam's skin feels ablaze in the sudden heat. He doesn't know why the temperature has risen. Maybe it's Zayn's proximity or maybe Liam's finally lost the plot. 

'Mate. Close your mouth, you're drooling' Zayn giggles, brow arched high when Liam blinks at him owlishly before moving a hand to wipe away at his mouth. 

'I uh. Was wondering if you could' Liam really wants to say fuck me but clamps his own hand over his mouth to stop his word vomit. He can't be doing this. 'Tell me the wifi pass word. Don't wanna bother you, only Louis worries and I wanna call him' Liam finishes. His voice only shakes a little and for that Liam is a little proud of himself. 

'Wifi? Is that all you wanted Liam?' Zayn asks and his voice is low, serenely intimate and just enough rasp to have Liam's pants tightening. 

'I - don't ' Liam's voice breaks and a horrible high pitched squeak echoed around the room. 'Nothing else. Thank you' Liam tries after a beat of silence with his face flushing at being so incompetent. He swears he's not usually this bad. It's just Zayn has a way of making Liam feel like he's got no control over his body. 

'All right babe. Lemme just get my kit on and I'll give you the password. M' a bit wet now' Zayn winks before moving around the bedroom and over to his luggage case, bending over to search through the piles of clothes. Liam tries so very hard not to look at him only he can't help himself. The way Zayn's broad shoulders are muscular and firm contrasts to the softness of his glowing skin and the slim shape of his waist. Liam's so tempted to trace his tongue all over Zayn's skin just to lick away those water droplets. 

Zayn turns around sharply, his eyes meet Liam's over his shoulder. His gaze is razor sharp, piercing gold eyes twinkling beneath his lowered lashes. 

'Take a picture. It'll last longer'. Zayn says and turns around to pull out a pair of boxers leaving Liam stuttering and fumbling with his seemingly non existent words. 

'I - wasn't. Just think you got cool tattoos, mate' yeah sure lie straight outta your arse Liam. 

Zayn snorts as he pulls on a top that stretches over the expanse of his broad shoulders. Has Liam mentioned how much he loves Zayn's shoulders? 

'Sure bro' he smirks and turns to look at Liam whose cheeks are a searing pink and his eyes as wide as saucers because Zayn's shirt is sticking to him, not quite covering his stomach where Liam can see a peak of golden skin and if he looks a little further down then that's defiantly Zayn's happy trail. Liam's never been so happy to see a happy trail. 

'Seriously. Your tatts look proper mad. Mine look a bit crap t'be honest ' Liam says because that's true. Zayn has a wide range of tattoos but they're all so different and they look like they tell a story. Liam's tattoos, on the other hand, are placed on random bits of his body and don't really have much thought to them. They're special to Liam though so maybe they're not that bad. Obviously they're not as good as Zayn's though. 

'Thanks. Your's looks good though. M' diggin' that skull and roses one. Proper gangsta' Zayn says and he's moving over to Liam's side of the room, to trace over that same tattoo. Liam's so glad he's wearing a t shirt that shows off his tattoos, maybe he'll get a few more if it'll get Zayn to touch him like he is now. 

Solid fingertips press into Liam's skin, trailing down across the flowers blooming across Liam's arm. A gasp pries itself out of Liam's lips when Zayn trails a hand up to Liam's shoulder and cups the back of his neck, thick fingers tugging Liam's hair so that the younger boy's neck arches under Zayn's hold. 

'Maybe you should get another, yeah? Matching Turkey tattoos, eh?' Zayn grins and pulls back when Liam almost passed out against the headboard. What the fuck. Liam's breath is caught in his throat because- what the hell was that. His heart is racing in his chest, lurching under his skin. Zayn's so close to him, close enough to kiss. 

'Yeah. Um where are we going first?' Liam stutters out trying to work through the sudden ball closing up his throat. 

'Well I was thinking 'bout taking you to Hagia Sophia for a bit. Maybe have some lunch and walk around the markets' Zayn says nonchalantly while slipping on his boxers from underneath his towel with a smirk. Liam tried so very hard not to look. 

'Um what's that?' Liam asks slightly bewildered. If Louis had warned him about this then Liam would have been prepared. Maybe done a little research so he wouldn't look so stupid in front of Zayn. 

Zayn pauses mid way through pulling his shirt over his chest. He peers at Liam with wide eyes and pulls his shirt the rest of the way down. 

'Um it's a mosque. I mean. It's a museum now but it used to be a mosque. It's one of the most beautiful places in Istanbul' Zayn pauses and eyes Liam with a sudden frown. 'But if you're one of those people then I won't take you to the mosque' Zayn asks with a weird look on his face. 

'One of those people?' Liam asks confused. He's not entirely sure what Zayn means by this. 

'A racist, Liam. If you are repulsed by my place of worship then we won't go' Zayn snarls out. His face twisted into a frown. Liam watches him in complete shock because what the hell was this coming from? 

Liam opens his mouth to stutter out anything to defuse the anger from Zayn's expression. 

'Never mind Liam. We won't go' Zayn sighs and pulls on a pair of sweatpants and shoves his dirty laundry into a basket by the door. 

'I'm not like that. I'm - Zayn I'm not like that at all' Liam hurries to amend because Zayn's got an entirely inaccurate thought about Liam's character. 

'It's fine. Sorry. I'm just. Agitated. Like I've had to deal with my fair share of ignorance so I assumed -' Zayn shakes his head and gives Liam an apologetic look while moving to peel back his duvet and slips inside the crisp sheets of the bed. His face almost instantly smoothes out when he relaxes his limbs against the soft mattress. 

'I promise. I'm not racist. I just don't know a lot of things. Maybe that's my fault for being stupid. T'be fair everyone back home says I'm dumb so maybe they're right. But I do know that there's nothing wrong with being Muslim and I'm- Zayn I'm not judging you' Liam says honestly. He sits on the edge of his bed while wringing his hands. 

'Babe. Fuck Liam. I know. I don't know what got over me, yeah? Like I can tell you're a genuinely nice guy. Sorry for snarling at you, yeah? M' all bark but no bite' Zayn smiles genuinely with a little sparkle in his eyes that has Liam's heart thudding in his chest. 

'Yeah. No. I get it. Totally bro, just don't want you to think of me badly. You're like my faviroute person ever' Liam confesses shyly. He grins when Zayn lets out a thick peal of laughter that echoes around their cosy room. 

'I don't think there's a single bad bone in your body. Sorry for, like, assuming. I hate when people do it to me in the first place so I don't really know why I was so quick to assume about you ' Zayn says calmly, hand resting on his phone where he has two cards on top of the device. 

'I forgive you. No harm done, bro. I might be taking that shower tomorrow though. M' knackered' Liam yawns as politely as he can while speaking. He squints his eyes when he sees Zayn smile fondly. 

'Course, bro. Do whatever you like. I brought you a phone number for while we're here' Zayn says as he reaches over and presses one of the cards to Liam's hand. 'It's for in case of emergencies where you need me and I can't find you. Something we always do do. Just to be safe even though I won't be letting you out of my sight' Zayn grins when Liam lets out a giggle, his shoulders shrugging under the effort of controlling the loud guffaw threatening to escape his lips. 

'You said do do' Liam giggles out feeling so childish but he can't help himself. It pissed Louis off to no end when Liam would laugh for hours about do do but Liam couldn't help it. It's a funny word. 

Zayn just beams at Liam with a playful tilt to his lips. 'Oh come on bro. I was tryin' to be all heroic and shit by tricking you into giving me your digits' Zayn laughs when Liam's cheeks tinge with a rosy pink. 

'Sorry. Just can't help it' Liam sputters out, his hand closing around the card, fingers brushing over Zayn's nimble ones. He also can't help the fact that Zayn's admission to wanting his number makes him blush. 

'You're cute when you're blushing' Zayn says with his face tilted to the ceiling and his arms crossed under his head. Liam really wants to sit on those tattooed hips that are peeking out from beneath the thin material of his t shirt. Liam freezes as Zayn's words. Cute? He can work with that. He could definitely work with that. 

'M not cute. I'm a man. Got muscles to prove it' Liam argues while jutting his lower lip out in a pout when Zayn looks over at him. 

'Yeah. I definitely noticed that, babe. Duly noted' Zayn winks and turns his back to Liam who suddenly feels like he's boiling in his own skin. Liam realises then and there that he needs to up his flirting game. He looks like a fish with his mouth open trying to force out any word that comes to mind in hopes that it'll be coherent enough for Zayn to keep flirting with him. 

'I'm sorry for yelling at you, Liam. You seem like a lovely guy and I judged you too harshly. I'm like super embarrassed for shouting at you' Zayn says softly, voice almost unrecognisable in his husky and deliciously sweet tone, it feels like it's running down Liam's spine like thick honey. 

'S'okay. I forgive you. Even forgive you for calling me a girl' Liam says without a thoughts to what he's saying until Zayn faces him with a curious brow. Liam doesn't realise what he's saying until it's far too late. 

'When did I call you a girl?' Zayn asks like he genuinely can't remember saying anything like that to Liam. He's thinking back to all the time they've spent together so far and he can't recall calling Liam that. 

'Um. Never mind. Probably just me being silly. Maybe I'll shower now' Liam hurries to stand, pulling his luggage carrier to him, unzipping it with shaky fingers. He's so stupid. Why on earth did he even say that? Why even bring up that comment. 

'I'd appreciate it if you told me about it Liam. Because I don't remember saying that to you' Zayn says, his voice a little more serious, expression hostile. Liam's been really good at getting on his nerves, hasn't he? The kind lad is probably regretting ever allowing Liam to come onto the trip with him. 

Liam doesn't say a word. Merely sits on the floor looking through items of clothing that look like they might be ten sizes too small. Liam cringes at one of the crop tops that had a matching pair of panties with it. All white lace of course and a peace sign on the crop top. 

'Can you believe the shit that Louis pulls? He's proper mental' Liam says, voice cracking when Zayn looks over to him where the younger lad is holding up the indecent underwear up against his body. Zayn raises his brows at Liam, his darkened eyes and lowered lashes pinning Liam to the spot with their intensity. 

'Can't say I mind too much. You might look pretty in 'em Liam' Zayn bits at his lower lip with such a hot gaze travelling across Liam's body before settling on the panties that come with the top. 

'See that's what I meant. You keep saying pretty. That's a word for a girl. Not a boy' Liam says a little exasperated. He's never lost his temper but he's honestly getting a little whip lash from Zayn. One second they're flirting and the next they're fighting. Maybe Liam's just real shitty at deciphering what people's intention are. He's had his heart broken several times by people who were merely being friendly but obviously Liam hadn't known the difference between being kind and genuine interest. Not a lot of people are interested in that way. Well not in Liam. To be honest, no one has actually found Liam attractive. It's not like Liam can really blame them. Sometimes his own reflection makes him sick so obviously people aren't going to want to see that either. 

'Being pretty is not an assigned word. You can be a pretty girl or boy. There's not a specific sex' Zayn says, upper body now resting against the headboard. The way he says 'sex' makes Liam feel a little dizzy. Zayn's got an accent and an extremely soothing but husky voice that slows down the inundation of the word until it's just a blazing fireball that settles itself down to Liam's abdomen. 

'I know. S'just I wouldn't call a boy t-that word. Maybe they would get offended' Liam tucks the incriminating clothing back into his luggage. 'Do you mind if i borrow a shirt? Mine are all tiny' Liam coughs into the uneasy atmosphere of the suddenly moving room. The walls feel like they're closing up on him, ceiling getting closer while a piercing wail pinches at Liam's ear drums. 

'Sure. Take anything you want' Zayn says calmly, a hand pointing in the general direction of his luggage. Liam hurries over to the bag which is already open and spewing marvel inspired shirts. Liam spots a comfy looking batman t shirt that he's seen Zayn wear in a vlog where he went to Dubai. Liam's already in a pair of comfy sweats so he pulls off the shirt he's wearing and throws it on the top of his bed. Liam ambles back to his side of the room humming lowly while pulling the shirt over his head immediately getting caught up in the scent of Zayn. The lovely scent of his cologne and the bitterness of cigarettes sit heavily on the collar of the top where Liam has his nose buried to the fabric, not yet ready to pull down the shirt the rest of the way down his chest. 

'Did you get offended?' Zayn asks so abruptly that Liam almost trips over his own feet at the sudden noise. He pulls on the t-shirt and turns to look at Zayn. 

'By what?'

'Did you get offended by me saying you would look pretty in panties Liam? Does it bother you that another lad called you pretty in your panties?' Liam knows what Zayn's implying. And he's had enough. 

'Listen. You just said you were sorry for assuming but you're still doing it. You're still assuming that you know me. I'm not some homophobe or racist person. I'm stupid yeah. Ugly is a given. But stop assuming things about my personality or my character. You don' know me' Liam rants. His fists clench by his side at how hard his hands are shaking in an effort to control his anger. He can't even believe he's yelled at Zayn. He's sure to be back on a flight home in the morning. 

'I'm sorry Liam. Fuck. Sorry bro' Zayn says, he's sat up in bed, eyes wide as he take in Liam's enraged appearance. Chest puffing out in anger, cheeks tinted pink and eyebrows furrowed in thought. 

'You keep apologising but you keep assuming. I thought you were my faviroute person. I think it was better when I didn't know what you're really like' Liam vents out. He's ripping off the duvet cover on the bed and throwing himself onto the bed without a backward glance into Zayn's direction. 

'Liam. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it babe. Honest I didn't mean anything horrible. Turn around Liam' Zayn tries with a soft tone that makes Liam regret ever raising his voice. 

'I don't want to turn around. You're probably going to assume something about me again' Liam says petulantly. He's surprised by his own actions since he's never been the type to be confrontational. Never been the type to defend himself but it does feel good. It does feel like he's accomplished something. 

'Liam stop being immature. I'm trying to talk to you like an adult' Zayn's faffing around behind Liam, a bunch of banging around and a sniffle. Liam feels so bad. 

'Please let me sleep. I was wrong. I'm sorry for yelling' Liam caves. Because he's always been the type. Never been the kind to hold a grudge or be constantly angry at someone. He's not strong enough, hates making people sad. 

'Can we talk?' 

'I'd rather not. I just want to sleep. I'm sorry for yelling. I'm sorry for arguing. I'm sorry for coming on this trip with you and annoying you all the time. I'm just sorry' Liam hides his face into his pillows, making sure to give his back to Zayn so he wouldn't see Liam's miserable face. He doesn't want Zayn to hate him. 

'Pretty , an adjective that is used on a description of a person, especially a woman or child, attractive in a delicate way. Hmmmm is that why you thought I called you a girl?' Zayn reads out and Liam can't believe Zayn researched the definition of the word. He's chosen the same definition that's been messing with Liam's mind this whole time. Liam nods into his pillow not bothering to actually answer. 

'Liam it's really not that big of deal calling you pretty. It's like saying you're cute. We usually say a kid is cute but I'd still call you cute. It doesn't necessarily mean I'm calling you a child' Zayn explains. His voice sounds closer than Liam expected it to be. He's got a bit of headache. Liam's never been in such an insane situation before, he feels like this conversation is way too intimate for people who just met. It's making him slightly uncomfortable. 

'Told you I'm stupid. Just ignore me yeah? Silly people think silly thoughts' Liam mumbles feeling a little bit sleepy. The bed here is so comfortable and the lovely bed cover is just crisp enough to be cool against Liam's skin but also comforting. 

'You're not stupid. Far from it. I'm really sorry Liam. Honestly. Please forgive me m, yeah? You've not done a single thing wrong. I promise there's no animosity' Zayn says kindly. 

 

'See i don't even know what that word means. Is it good or bad?' Liam yawns tiredly, fingers digging into the plush pillows. Closing his eyes wouldn't harm too much. Maybe just blink then closed a bit will make him more focused. 

'Good night Liam. We'll talk tomorrow. Sweet dreams babe' Liam feels the brush of gentle fingertips across his forehead before he's closing his eyes, body relaxing finally submerged into darkness. He mumbles a good night to Zayn but he's not sure he's very coherent then.


End file.
